Its a Free World but are we Free?

Freedom is such a boastful word. A Utopian concept -- idealistic and far removed from reality. In truth, the definition of Freedom as we know it is not more than a lie to fuel the imagination of the Oppressed, kindle Hope in the minds of the Lost, and confound those who thought they have reached it.

Can anyone really be Free? Can we be devoid of Rules, Regulations and Obligations? Is it possible to be so Independent as not to rely on anyone, anything, at all? These are a lot of questions to be answered and I am not sure whether I am capable of providing them.

I'll use myself as an example. I have named this blog 'Jiyuu' -- the Japanese word for 'Freedom'. Supposedly, its a representation of my Freedom of Thought; that I am Free to discuss or reveal anything I want here. However, when it comes to exposing something of potentially personal value, my fingers hesitate. I find myself avoiding topics which might reveal too much of myself or instead, using allegory to skirt around it. What then becomes of my so-called Freedom? In the end, I Oppress myself. I am not free of my past betrayals hence the armour around my heart serves as much as a prison as it is a defence. Despite a chance of 'Freedom' offered, a path of restriction and guard is what I choose. What then of my Freedom?

High schoolers often complain of the many seemingly-endless Rules imposed on them. Uniforms must be worn, we must do what our Elders say, hair must be cut short and not colored...and a plethora of other ridiculous Rules designed to restrict our Freedom in every possible way. Ah, the day when I shall be Free of School and Rules!!! I am now Free of School but I find I am not Free of its Rules. Even though there is no longer any Penalty or Punishment if I Disobey the Rules, there are many that I still Obediently Follow. You must go to School to be a Good Person. People with low Formal Education are Inferior. Men must be Leaders and are Superior to Women (I am a believer of this although I cannot justify it).

Even if human beings are let to live with the prospect of being Free, we always find Rules, Codes, Ethics, or Routines that we Impose on ourselves and Follow. Where then, do we get the idea of Freedom? Free as a Bird, they say, but even Birds must have their own Rules that they Follow. Fly in formation, the Early Bird catches the Worm, Poison Ivy makes Bad nest material.

Perhaps the idea of Freedom was thought up by some Air Headed Idiot who did not Think-things-through. Other Idiots thought that the Idea seemed Beautiful and quickly Latched On -- Taunting others with it, yet Forever Searching themselves.

I named my blog 'Jiyuu'. Perhaps I am One-of-those-Idiots.

Small talk

I'm in West Malaysia most of the year so I only get to go back to my hometown Tawau during term break. When you haven't seen people in a long time, it gets harder to maintain conversation. Most of the time you find yourself saying the same things and repeating yourself. Now that's no fun.

One of the comments that I get often is 'Besarnya suda kau!' (you've gotten so big). Mostly from not-so-close family members. It's a lie, of course. I'm 21 years old. I haven't grown an inch in 2 years. I haven't gained 2 kilos in 5 years. There's no way no how I could have gotten any bigger since the last time they saw me.

I put up with it because they probably can't think of anything else to say. Its just a formality. Maybe its tradition as well. Pretty soon it'd be expected of me to say the same lines to they're children. Hmm...I just might. I'm not good with small talk either.

Even with Nena-nee there are recurring topics in our catch-up conversations. Some of them are:

• We're both crazy
• Amanda is still single
• Persidangan Bulan Lima: The Nightmare Bitch

In this case, I don't mind the small talk. Its a break from some of the stress. However, there's a lot of other types of Small Talk that really gets on my nerve. Take the following examples:

• Suda makan ka? (Have you eaten?) - The hell you asking me that for? If I'm hungry, I'll eat. And if I don't, what are you going to do? Force feed me or something? Something as trivial as that, you might as well ask whether or not I've bathed today.
• What are you doing? - This question may be relevant in some instances. On the other hand, when what I'm doing is plain as day obvious, I don't appreciate the disruption in my concentration.
• West Malaysian Idiot: Where are you from?/Me: I'm from Sabah/West Malaysian Idiot: Oh, did you get here by plane then? - I'm not even going to comment on this one.

In conclusion, please think before you open your mouth to say something.....

What is love?

And there are so many different answers to that…

I’ll tell you what love is NOT. Love is NOT:

# as in the Hindustani movies…those are pure lies and overdramaticized fiction…come on la…

# love at 1st sight. That, in truth, is LUST.

# ‘Chemistry’, Intense and explosive. Anyone who has learned chemistry can tell you that the most intense and explosive reactions are unstable and short-lived, and take up a lot of energy.

Love is something created by poets and playwrites. Soulmates are idealized beings, believed in by people in order to make an excuse for their failure to make a relationship work.

Ever wonder why the divorce rate in the ‘olden days’ was never that high? Its because when people got married, they resigned themselves to living with that one and the same person for the rest of their lives and in the end, spending their thoughts, energy in time into making things work with each other. Today however, people divorce on the basis of ‘not in love anymore’. They spend their time explaining (making excuses) about why they can’t live together, instead of trying to fix things. Then set off trying to find "The One"…Good luck with that.

So, what is love? It is when two people can live with each other, can tolerate their behavior, trust and understand. Its not a matter of destiny or DNA, its an act of cooperation and symbiosis.

My musical preference

Okay, okay, so love songs might not be so bad. Some of them are quite good actually. No, I’m not acting like a 10-year-old when I say I don’t like listening to love songs. And no, I have nothing against man-woman relationships. And no, i am not lesbian, thank you very much, Fizul.

So back to the reason for the blog entry. Love songs. As I said, its not the idea that the songs are about love that disgusts me. What I don’t like is the certain aspects that seem to be so popular in love songs. Firstly, break ups. Unrequitted love. I don’t mind the occasional songs that sound like ‘We like each other and that’s nice’. However, I totally despise the ones that go ‘You left me and I can’t live’. Pathetic.

Secondly, obsession bordering worship. So you like the guy, that’s fine. But saying it once is enough. Twice, if you think we didn’t hear you the first time. A whole song is kind of excessive, in my opinion. All the ‘birds flying, sun shining, rainbows in the sky’ kind of thing really gets in your–well, my–face. It gives the impression that people who are in love all live in Teletubbyland. And if that’s true, then I really won’t fall in love. I’ll take the real world over Teletubbyland any day, rain clouds and all. (It’s not that I don’t like good weather, its the Teletubbies’ vaccuum cleaner–it freaks me out)

Third, there just seem to be TOO MANY of them! I mean, how many different ways can you describe that one feeling? How many times can you recycle the same theme for a song? Not to mention the same words rearranged in slightly different, often similar ways. If we judge humanity according to the Billboard Top 100, then humanity will pass off as ‘lovelorn and sex-crazed’.

Really, is that who we are?

To Alip: Change

People do change. Sometimes the change is so small, so subtle that people don't notice. Sometimes the change is gradual and takes years and also goes unnoticed. Only after a revelatory event, or a long-time-no-see then you may hear that "My God, you have CHANGED!!" or "I barely recognized you…". Both those phrases can go either way whether positively or negatively. Sometimes, its just a change in appearance. Other times, the individual herself mutates…
What happens when someone you love changes?? Well, if you love them enough, you’d change with them. If its not worth it, they change, you make allowances for their change and they say your not the person they fell in love with anymore. That's when the divorce attorney gets called in.
All in all, you can say people change. But in my opinion the word change is for things that are less dynamic, like the interior of a room. People…people live. And with every new knowledge and experience the gain, they live on with it. It alters our way of thinking and perceptions. We are dynamic. We live.
On a personal note, there are also people who refuse to change. They deny all knowledge that they think will jeopardize their being and instead try to change the people around them. These people are called blind. And their blindness is self inflicted. They are also idiots, but….Well, my advice: reality may have been put into TV but lets not put the soap operas in reality please…

Blogging

Right. Blogging. I started with a friendster blog which I'd update once in a blue moon when I feel like it. I was more of a pen and paper writer and I didn't really like the idea of having to wait for my laptop to boot up before being able to jot down a thought.

However, having a blog does have its perks. I can share my thoughts with people, such as they are, and its nice to get feedback.

Nena-nee suggested I create a blogspot blog since (according to her) the friendster blog is lame. So here I am, typing my very brief history of blogging.

Saate to, I'll get started.