Hindsight

I was clicking through the clutter in my D-drive when I found the folder -- my old notebooks which I had written in while in my 6th semester of my engineering degree. My realization that those writings are from nearly 3 years ago is accompanied by a strange and undescribable feeling. Nostalgia, is the name given to that feeling.

It was like discovering a horde of treasure valuable only to me.

I scroll through the many drafted blog posts which will never reach this echelon called internet because I had deemed them either too private or too pathetic. Other sections hold drafts and ideas for books I might never write. I even had sections for the books I wanted to read, the places I wanted to see, and the things I wanted to do.

I take a closer look at the section labeled "To Do". I had filled its pages with things I had envisioned for my future. There were things I wanted to do for myself like 'learn piano' or 'go to Japan' once I had my own money to spend. There were longer term goals like "build Mummy and Abah a house". And then there was a page for my innermost dreams, those I have shared only with the people closest to me, Pepper and Aliph.

Its funny how I have lost sight of those dreams while in pursuit of other things. Not even important things but materialistic and mundane things, I regret to say. I'm glad I rediscovered my dreams when I was naive enough to even dare to envision them.

Who says growing up is a good thing? Age and experience does not necessarily bring wisdom. Most of the time we only learn to fear. Fear to do lest we fail, fear to dream lest we fall, fear to love lest we lose.

If you have a good idea, write it down. Store it somewhere safe and secret. You may laugh at it now, scoff at your own innocence. But keep it all the same. One day, you will look back at that memory, marvel at your own wisdom, become inspired by the person you were -- and have higher hopes for the person you will be.

Internal GPS

Everything that you know is as wrong as the next
So you hold on to something and hope for the best.

I've been living my life from day to day. I've always gone with the flow. Sure, I make plans. But most of the time those plans get sidetracked, delayed, confuddled and confounded by the unpredictability of things known and unknown. Maybe I'm just a bad planner. Maybe I'm impulsive. Maybe I'm just taking the straightest path I chance upon. Or maybe fate is screwing with me. Whatever. Take your pick. Choose your poison.

But we're all like that, aren't we? We're all confused. We're all scared. And none of us have any idea what we're doing here, really. Take this post -- when I composed it in my head it was very different (it was much better). Then I decided to start it off with a bit from Travis' I know nothing. Then I forgot how I wanted to go on next -- so I just started off with "I've been living my life from day to day". And I went on from there, thinking I know where I'm going...and I find myself here. *Looks around* Where is this?

What am I doing?

But that's life, isn't it? You think you know, till you find out that you have no idea. I dare say everyone has gone through that moment of panic when you wonder where you're headed in life. That moment where you stop to catch your breath, look around, and all these unanswerable questions come crashing unto you like a philosophical tsunami.

Why am I here?

I don't know so don't ask me.

End.